How much grief is enough? Mourning a dog

I (Hope) have been struggling lately with a decision – is it time to get a puppy? Am I done with mourning my dog?

This post is going to be a lot more personal than most – it’s my usual job to share what we know about dogs and help you have the best/easiest/happiest/least stressful life with your dog.

But this is a decision that all people who love dogs face at some point – and I’m hoping by sharing it will help somebody else, sometime.

How long is grief?

It’s been five months since my 8-year-old French Bulldog Teddy died. It still doesn’t feel quite real – I’m still surprised when I realize he’s not next to me sitting on the couch, watching tv in the evening.

Most of the people we know have been through the agony of losing a pet. There’s no “good” way. Sudden or expected, illness or accident – every single way leaves us hurting. Teddy’s death was unexpected and fast – there was only a couple of hours between realizing something was wrong and saying goodbye.

When to move on

Teddy’s picture is all over our website, and all over both our business and my personal social media feeds. I rarely “share” the memories, because I don’t want to wallow in grief, or have other people feel sorry for me. I know two dogs is the right number for me – but do I want a puppy? Or do I only want my Teddy?

In March I contacted the breeder from whom I’d like to get my next puppy. Since French Bulldogs are very popular right now, I fully expected just touch base, let her know I was interested, and get my name on a waiting list. We’ve known each other for years, but I’ve never had one of her dogs. So I expected to have to wait, and am certainly willing to do so.

I was a bit shocked, delighted, and terrified when she told me that she was expecting a litter at the end of the month. And, if there was an available puppy, it could be mine.

My choice

I know there are some people reading this who are aghast that I’m planning to get a pedigreed puppy from a breeder, rather than adopt a dog from a shelter or rescue. I’m familiar with all the arguments on both sides of the debate. And, whether you agree with my choice or not, it is my choice. We all have the right to choose what’s right for our lives, circumstances, and situations.

I’ve adored French Bulldogs for decades, and it is my breed of choice. I know that Torque (my four-year-old Frenchie) is mourning for Teddy as much as I do, and would probably welcome another dog.

Is it the right time?

That’s the question I’m really wrestling with right now. Puppies are adorable, disruptive, wreak havoc with schedules, are generally pains in the butt, time-suckers, cute, cuddly, wonderful, and terrible – all at the same time. Am I ready for that?

The other part of that question is – would it be fair to the puppy? Could I give it the time, attention, and devotion it deserves? Or is it possible I’d be constantly comparing it to the one I adored and lost? Am I ready to fall in love all over again? Or am I still stuck on the memories?

Can’t stand the cute

The breeder has been sending me photos and videos of the puppies in the litter. When I watch them, the cuteness is overwhelming. And there’s an immediate “I want one!” reaction.

But the doubt creeps in after the video ends.

Checking them out

There’s really never a “good time” to get a puppy. They’re always disruptions. But they’re also sources of joy, smiles, and laughter – even when the naughtiness gets to us.

So sometime in the next couple of weeks I’ll make the four-hour trek to see if one of these puppies is meant to be mine. It feels a bit odd to make a date to fall in love. Or not.

Take care of yourself

If you find yourself in a similar situation – take the time you need mourning your dog and take care of yourself. I don’t yet know what I’ll decide about that puppy, but I do know that I won’t let Teddy’s death mean more than his life. I can’t be one of the people who reject love because grief, eventually, arrives. There will be another dog, some day.