Tag Archives: living with dogs

Picture of a brindle French Bulldog to illustrate dogs aren't in charge

Dogs aren’t in charge

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Into every life, a little rain must fall. That includes dogs. No matter how much you love your dog and want to do right by them, something’s bound to happen that your dog doesn’t like. Whether that’s actually having to walk in the rain, get their nails trimmed, putting on their collar, or going to the veterinarian, there’s going to be something they don’t like. 

And you know what? They can suck it up and deal with it, just like you have to. 

There. We said it. Dogs aren’t in charge. They can’t have everything their own way all the time. Any more than we can. Both you and your dogs can handle it. 

Going too far 

As you’d suppose, we’re involved in lots of different dog groups, for trainers and for owners, in real life and online. Lately there’s been a lot of discussion where people feel horrible about having to do something their dog doesn’t like. Like dosing them with medication. Or trimming their nails. Or taking them out in the car.

Ideally, we could explain to our dogs what’s happening. We’d get them used to the procedure, and forge ahead at a pace comfortable for the dog. Frankly, we haven’t usually got the time or patience to cope with that. If the dog has to go to the vet, they’re getting in the car. Period. If the dog won’t take the medicine voluntarily, it’s still getting swallowed. Would we like to give it as a cheese-covered treat? Yes. But after spitting out the pill a couple of times, we’re done. We don’t want to shove it down their throat, but we will.

Drawing a line 

Cooperative care and positive-reinforcement training are protocols we believe in and practice. If we’re asking our dogs to do something we want, rather than something they need, we take our time and demonstrate all the patience in the world. We recognize that our dogs do tricks and play dog sports because we want them to. They couldn’t care less about ribbons, placements, and qualifying. The dogs just want to have fun.

That part of their lives is completely voluntary on their part. If they don’t want to play “Put Your Toys Away” today, that’s fine. We’ll do it another time. And when we teach them something new, all the training steps come with lots of rewards. There’s never any corrections or punishment for optional activities.

LIMA for the rest

The stuff that is necessary, like grooming, we can’t give our dogs the choice of opting out. Just like people, there are some things in life that may not be fun or pleasant, but still have to get done. For these, the protocol we follow is LIMA: Least Intrusive, Minimally Aversive. 

That doesn’t mean delivering corrections or punishment for non-compliance. That’s never an option. When our dogs hammer at our last nerve, we walk away. Or they all get their special crate treats and get sent to their rooms. 

Picture of a brindle French Bulldog to illustrate dogs aren't in charge

When we do have to accomplish something the dog doesn’t like, we plan what to do for maximum efficiency and comfort. Most of our dogs are fine with being held while we do their nails. One of us holds, the other trims. Torque, Hope’s French Bulldog, was unhappy and stressed with that arrangement. Instead, he goes up on a grooming table and gets a peanut-butter-slathered lick mat during the procedure. We found a way to make a hated procedure more tolerable. He still doesn’t love it. But he’ll do it.

Be creative

When you’re faced with a similar situation, something that has to get done that your dog dislikes, think of ways to make it easier for both of you. Think of ways you can make life easier on yourself and your dog. Ask other people how they’ve dealt with similar situations. We can absolutely guarantee that somebody else has been there, done that. 

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Close-up of a black Brussels Griffon dog's face to illustrate don't stare at dogs

Don’t stare at dogs

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Gazing into each other’s eyes is a great way to connect with your dog. But it has to be your dog. Meeting a strange dog’s eyes can be seen as threatening, intimidating, or even cause for aggression. Unless it’s your dog, just don’t stare at dogs.

Sometimes, it’s not even a good idea to stare at your own dog. One of the exercises we practice in competition Obedience requires the dog to stay for a minute, with you six feet away at the other end of the leash. Some dogs need constant eye contact to maintain the position and reassure them that they’re doing fine. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we’ve trained dogs that would move immediately if you made eye contact. For those dogs, we spend a lot of time looking at the space between their ears. We could see what they were doing, but weren’t looking directly at them.

Stranger danger

That’s one of the ways we developed the technique of looking indirectly at dogs we’re just meeting. It seems contradictory that an animal who considers butt-sniffing the height of polite greetings will take offense if you meet their eyes. But there you have it. 

When meeting a dog for the first time, it’s a good idea to look slightly to the side until they have a chance to get used to you and relax. When we meet dogs who are considered reactive or even aggressive, we try not to look at them at all. Instead, while we chat with their people, we randomly throw treats in front of the dog, never looking directly at them. It’s a good way to defuse the problem before it even happens. 

They started it

Close-up of a black Brussels Griffon dog's face to illustrate don't stare at dogs

It’s kind of funny to us that people can get defensive about iffy encounters they’ve had with dogs. Maybe the dog was staring at you. That doesn’t mean you have to stare back! Ages ago one of our dogs (Whimsy, pictured, a black, smooth Brussels Griffon) was absolutely fascinated by a friend of ours. He would stare at her for as long as she was with us. We would joke about her being “Whimsy TV.”  She’d never done anything negative to him, other than pet him on top of his head, which he loathed. Apparently he decided he had to keep a wary eye on her for the rest of his life. 

Because dogs are all unique, there’s no single good way to train. One of the first exercises in most basic obedience classes is to get the dog to “Watch!” As soon as the dog meets the owner’s eyes, the dog gets a reward. For most dogs, this is a fun game and they learn quickly to stare into their people’s eyes non-stop. They wind up walking almost sideways, trying to maintain eye contact.

But it’s not always the case. Apparently herding dogs, like Shelties, use their stares to get the job done. They intimidate the heck out of whatever they’re herding by staring at them. When we had a Sheltie in class, he was the least confident dog in the house and the other dogs kept him cowed by staring. When the owner tried to teach the dog “Watch!” the poor little guy was terrified. It wasn’t the right match for this team. 

Know your dog

There’s a saying in dog training that you have to “train the dog in front of you.” That translates into accepting your dog for who they are and adapting to your dog’s preferences. If your dog likes meeting your eyes and finds the direct contact reassuring, go right ahead. If, like the little Sheltie, they think it means they’re in trouble, then avoid doing it. 

Funnily enough, the same dogs who avoid eye contact also seem to hate posing for pictures. We’re not sure that dogs recognize a camera lens (or back of a phone) as another eye looking back at them. But we think it’s interesting that they seem to know. 

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Picture of a Brussels Griffon to illustrate old dogs are awesome

Pick your dog battles

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When most people plan on getting a dog, they imagine what life will be like. They decide on rules for the dog, where it will sleep, when it will go out, who’s going to do what dog chores, who’s going to train the dog. Then real life happens when your dog arrives home. And you realize you have to pick your dog battles.

This week we read a humor column from a writer in The Trentonian who laid out in detail why, despite his wife’s contrary wishes, he would never allow their dog to sleep in bed. Most of his reasons were based on hygiene concerns. We’ll concede that dogs aren’t the cleanest creatures on the planet. The funny part was the last line (spoiler alert!) “Maybe I’m a Grinch, but there’s no way I am sleeping in the same bed as a hairy, snoring, drooling animal. I have no idea how my wife does it every night.

Reality takes over

The fact of the matter is that your dream dog is just that – they live only in your dreams. Your actual dog has a personality. There are things they like, things they don’t, and a vast array of creative naughtiness that you never imagined until they came home. 

A friend of ours is a good example of expectation vs. reality. Her latest dogs would invariably grab anything out of the bathroom wastebasket and strew used tissues around the house. She couldn’t quite bring herself to let them “win.” So instead of just removing the wastebaskets from the bathrooms, she grabbed everything in the wastebasket as soon as you were out the bathroom door. Once we caught on to what she was doing, we took our bathroom trash to the covered kitchen container ourselves.

Picture of a black Brussels Griffon to illustrate dog battles

One of our absolute dog rules has always been that the dogs must be housebroken. No messing in the house, ever. The only exception would be if the dog was sick. Other than that, the first order of business for every dog on arrival was potty training. It worked for us. And then Tango became an old, wobbly dog who doesn’t always really know when he has to eliminate. So the rules adapt. All dogs must be housebroken except Tango, who we cheerfully clean up after. 

No guarantees

Nobody really has the classic, happy family illustrated by Norman Rockwell. Everybody’s life is a bit messy, a bit disorganized. And some days are definitely smoother than others. No dog is really Lassie, or even Snoopy. But for most of us, the reality is even better than we could have pictured. Because until you know the unconditional love of a dog, you don’t know how precious it is. Until you’ve connected so you’re totally in sync with another being, you can’t even imagine what it’s like. 

If there are absolute lines you don’t want your dog to cross, you have to be not only willing to take the time to teach them, you also have to enforce them. And that’s why you have to pick your dog battles carefully. And decide if it’s a battle worth fighting.

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A black, rough Brussels Griffon dog with a gray beardlying down to illustrate dogs are inconvenient

Dogs are inconvenient

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Dogs are really inconvenient. There are so very many accommodations you have to make in your life.

You have to go out in all kinds of weather. Even if you’re sick. You always have to watch where you step. Even if your dog isn’t in the way, you know there are toys and chews lying around. And you have to schedule around your dog’s needs.

Planning the day

Just today, after all the morning routine stuff (take the dogs out, feed the dogs, have breakfast, wash Tango’s face/beard, play training games with the dogs) before we could get around to the house cleaning chores we planned, we had to think about what to do about the dogs. 

The first step in our deep-cleaning plan was vacuuming  Quite a few years ago, we thought it was funny that Dax’s mortal enemy was the vacuum cleaner. Hope’s first Frenchie attacked it every time it came out. Until the day she broke a tooth and needed surgery. Since that day, we play “better safe than sorry.” The dogs are crated when the vacuum comes out.

It’s not a big deal, since the dogs love their crates. Actually, they love their special “crate goodies,” but it’s the same result. They dash to their crates when they see us reach for their “only in the crate” treats.

But it is something we have to think about. Before we plan doing anything, either at home or outside, we have to think “what about the dogs.” 

Planning ahead

Parents of children and dog owners have the same obligation to plan ahead. It’s easy to be impulsive when there’s no one at home that needs to be walked, or fed, or needs medicine. 

A black, rough Brussels Griffon dog with a gray beardlying down to illustrate dogs are inconvenient

It’s a huge consideration when you have either a puppy or an old dog. Both have time limits on their bodily functions. Tango is 14 now, so we’re always checking calendars and coordinating schedules. Fortunately, he still remembers his training, but we don’t want to push our luck.

Dog owners always have to weight the possible consequences of their actions. It’s fun to meet up with friends at the end of the day. But what does that do to the dog schedule? And are you willing to face the consequences if you lose track of time?

Worth every bit of it

As we sit writing, one dog is snoring on the chair across from us, another is snoozing in the dog bed by our feet. And these are the moments that we feel sorry for anyone who thinks dogs are too inconvenient. Just looking at them warms our hearts. If you’re having a good day, it’s great to share it with your dog who loves you unconditionally. And if you’ve had a crappy day, it’s great to share a cuddle with your dog who loves you unconditionally. 

Basically, having a dog is pretty terrific. Even if dogs are inconvenient. 

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